Learning About Wine Part One | Wine For Newbies

Welcome to the first article in the educational series of Wine For Newbies 2.0! I’m glad you’re reading this, and I’m practially bouncing up and down in my chair at the thought of the good things that lie ahead. (People around me are going to look at me a bit weird, however, if I don’t settle down and sit still.)

Back in the 1970s, a guy by the name of Richard Bach wrote and published a book called Jonathan Livingston Seagull. For those who never read the book, it’s about a seagull. (Big surprise there.) But unlike just about every other seagull on the planet, Jonathan lives not to eat but to fly. His passion is flying. For other gulls, flying is just a way to get to the next meal spot. For Jonathan, flying is life.

(By now you’re thinking, what the hell does a seagull have to do with wine? Hang on, we’re getting to the point quickly now.)

One day, Jonathan meets another seagull who also yearns to fly for flight’s sake. A guru gull, if you will. He takes Jonathan under his wing (literally) to teach him how to really fly. Jonathan can’t wait to get to high speed aerobatics and pushing the envelope. Jonathan is bummed when his instructor says, “Let’s begin with level flight.”

If you’re reading this, you are probably a budding wine enthusiast. The magic of this beverage has captured your imagination. You’ve dabbled around some, had some wines you’ve really enjoyed, maybe even started building a modest wine collection. Excellent! (Be sure to leave a comment about those good wines–everyone is always happy to hear recommendations.)

But we need to begin with level flight. We need to begin with re-training ourselves in terms of how we perceive wine with our senses. In a way, we need to unlearn some of the things we’ve taught ourselves so that we end up with a tabula rasa (that’s lawyer-speak for “blank slate”).

To do this, we’re going to put the wine away for a while. Yes, you heard me. For two weeks, you will drink no wine whatsoever. You will, however, exercise the senses we use to perceive wine: sight, smell, taste and touch. Not just use them, you’re going to exercise them. No, you won’t have to eat peppers that are rated “volcanic” on the Scoville Scale. But you are going to have to do a little work.

So here is your first assignment: Go find or buy a notebook that you can carry around with you. Moleskine notebooks seem to be very popular with people, but it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Small size is the only requirement. It doesn’t need to have a lot of pages, just about fifty or so.

Do not, however, spend too much effort on this assignment! The goal here is to get the notebook, not become paralyzed with indecision. Just get the damn notebook. You’re not going to keep it as a wine journal or anything like that. Just get a notebook in your hands.

Here is your second assignment: for the next two weeks, pay attention to some things:

Colors. Look at the color of the sky during the day. Is it a light blue, or a deep blue? Look at the color of the grass–kelly green? Forest green? Kentucky blugrass-green? Look at the color of cars–is it firetruck red? Ferrari red? Brick red? Why would you describe a particular red as candy apple red and not some other shade?
Smells. Step into a store and notice the aromas in the air. If it’s a hair salon, notice the chemical aromas. If it’s a bakery, notice the smell of baking bread. If it’s a lumber yard, take in the smell of sawn wood. When you encounter an aroma, does it remind you of something else? Pick some fresh fennel and then smell your hands–is that fennel or black licorice? How would you describe the aromas around you so that someone else would understand you?
Flavors. Study the flavor of the peanut butter in your sandwich. Yes, it tastes like peanuts, but anything else? Eat a potato chip and an M&M together–how does the saltiness match up with the sweetness? Are there two or more flavors at work, a peanut butter and chocolate sort of thing? (Can you tell I grew up loving Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?) Try to identify what produces the flavors. If there’s a combination of flavors, try to identify them separately. (I think this is an excellent excuse to go eat a Reese’s.)
Textures. Study the way foods and liquids feel in your mouth. Are they slimy? Sharp? Lifeless? Burning? Heavy? Light? What words would you use to describe them?

While you’re doing this sensory study for the next two weeks, every day you should make notes to yourself. Smell the food you’re eating. Is that oregano you smell? Write it down. Can’t quite put your finger on it? Write it down anyway. Describe it somehow, even if it’s just “tangy tomato sauce at Fazzoli’s.” Write down more stuff than you think you should. Describe every meal in terms of its colors, aromas, flavors, and textures.

Go wild, if you want. Use this as an excuse to nibble on things. (Do not, however, do this while shopping at the grocery store. If you do, it is likely that you will be writing notes on how the cold metal handcuffs feel around your wrists. You may also get to make notes on all sorts of interesting smells at your local jail.) Sample flavors and become familiar with them. Write them down–I don’t care if it’s brown sugar on your oatmeal in the morning. WRITE IT DOWN.

Why are you going through all this, ahem, stuff? The answer is simple.

You need to be used to thinking in terms of descriptors–words that you can use to, well, describe things. While I hope that you never, ever have to look at a kelly green wine, being able to describe colors is important. The same goes for those other senses. You write them down so that you force yourself to think about them and translate them into words.

Believe me–it will be easier to describe wines if you’re used to describing other things already. Plus, by abstaining from wine for a couple of weeks, you will “reset” your senses with respect to wine’s particular colors, aromas, tastes and textures. You give yourself a fresh start when it comes to describing a wine. (There’s that tabula rasa idea again.)

The point of this exercise is not to get you to the point where you can write a wine tasting note that rivals Wine Spectator in its multitude of adjectives. The point is to get your brain thinking about these characteristics in a descriptive way and by separating them out.

Now it’s your turn to tell me what to do. Leave a comment with feedback about this article. Think I’m full of, er, barnyard contents? Did I mess up something grammatically? Have a better idea? Leave a comment and let’s talk about it.

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